


Hope dementia

by FernShaw



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2, Super Dangan Ronpa 2.5
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Frontotemporal Dementia, Hajime is trying his best to confort his poor buddy, M/M, Major Illness, Psychological Trauma, Self-Loathing, Suicidal Thoughts, amputation ( not really described but still ), luck circles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-25 01:21:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22007632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FernShaw/pseuds/FernShaw
Summary: right after waking up of the simulation, nagito feels a lot of negative emotions, too much for his messed up brain. His mental illness is taking too much place in his life and he just ... Gives up. He decides that going with the others might not be the best idea and stays on the island. But Hajime surely won't leave him there.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Kudos: 77





	Hope dementia

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, just a few things before you read that !   
> I wrote this thing mainly based on the nagito oav but I haven't saw the D3 anime yet (mostly because you can't find it anywhere ldkzzdozek)   
> So this might be a wrong interpretation of a lot of things but hey, I'm doing the best I can with everything I have.   
> Thanks and have a great reading !

Green lights. A strange shiny liquid. A mask. The mask is thick. It's hard to breathe. Gotta take the mask off, gotta take the mask off, gotta-

"Nagito. Can you hear me ? Calm down. Everything's okay."

He has to clear his mind. Nagito was under a simulation. His mind created anither world for him to stay safe and sane. Izuru destroyed this world, so now ...

"Hajime ? Is this ... The real world ? Where are the others ?"

"They all woke up. You're the last one."

Obviously his eyes weren't really used to that much light so everything felt weird. The silhouettes behind hajime were blurry, but still recognisable. The 14 students he knew and love were there. It felt safe. Safe for him. But not safe for them. He was lucky enough to wake up. Maybe his luck circle will affect the others in a way or another. Hajime was showing him his hand. Grabbing it felt like the right thing to do. But when his saw the hand he used to touch him, everything felt awful again. Long and sharp fingers with bright red painted nails. He still got up but when his feet touched the floor he immediately got away from Hajime's grasp.

"We have a boat to get out of theses islands, we were waiting for you to get up. Do you think that we could go tonight ?"

Komaeda nodded, without thinking about anything. It was awful, HE was awful. Everyone should hate him after he'd done. Why would they wait for him ? Why would they help him ?  
The versions that his mind created likes him. But they were from an almost perfect world created from nothing. Of course he loves them. But this hand just showed him that the feeling was everything but reciprocate. This hand was filling the ultimate believer of hope with pure despair. He was useless, he was horrible. He didn't deserved to be treated that well. Why wasn't he dead ? He should be. He died and should've stay dead. But he wanted to see them again happy, he ...  
Nagito was completely and utterly lost. Lost in his own mind, in his own thoughts. Nobody knew how difficult for him everything was, especially this situation. He wanted to be happy but his only point of reference, hope, was telling him he shouldn't be. Nagito needed someone to help him with his mind. But if you don't know it yourself, you won't ask for it. So that is what komaeda does. He doesn't ask. Instead, he just decides to go in a place where he could stay in peace. At least he wouldn't be annoying anyone.

The boat was ready. The class was ready. Everyone except.  
"Jeez, we waited months for that jerk and when he goes it he just vanishes ? He should be licking our boots to be forgiven right now."  
"Calm down Hiyoko. I'll find him. He probably just decided to go on a random walk, you know how he is."  
At least that's what hajime hopes. Nagito is someone too unpredictable for him. Even after spending so much time with him, he isn't sure about what should he think about him. Nagito seemed to have opened to him but immediately told him right after that everything was a lie. Hajime was just confused and tried his best not to think about it, but the words that nagito told him after everything were stuck in his head.

"Please don’t forget that I love y-… The hope sleeping inside you… from the bottom of my heart"

What was he trying to tell him ? Was it true this time ? Was it just another one of his lies ? Was he manipulating him again ? He couldn't fell into one of his traps again. He just couldn't. What mattered at the moment was to find him and to get out of this cursed island. Hajime searched a bit but he really wasn't hard to find. The young boy was just sitting on the beach, looking at the waves, apparently mindlessly.

"Hey, Nagito. We're getting out of here, so move your damn ass and go with the others."

"No. Let me stay here."

"Huh ? What ?!"

"I said, let me stay here."

" I did heard that, but why ? Don't you want get out ?"

" I do want to get out, but do I deserve it ? No. I can't get out. Just leave me here and I'll find a way to end my existence quietly."

"What are you saying ..? Of course you deserve to get out ! Everyone did mistakes, but now we're working all together to end despair ! I know it's a bit disturbing after all we did but isn't that what you wanted ? The ultimate hope that could save everybody ?"

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND !!"

Hajime took a step back, looking at his friend's face. He was crying. It was the very first time that he saw him crying, he didn't even imagine that this man was able to do such thing. His whole body was shaking, his right hand grasping the thing he assembled with the member he amputated.

"Are you ..."

"No. I'm not okay. And I probably will never be again."

"Do you want to talk about it ?"

"... What ?"

"If you're not feeling well, you should talk about it. It's almost impossible to feel better if you just keep everything for yourself. You told me you wanted to be loved before you die. If you die right after that you will never have good experiences ever again. It's not to be lucky or unlucky, it's just being human. It's just ... Being a friend."

" So you still consider some trash like me as your friend ? Even if I treated you like a bug when I learned you were a reserve student ? Even after everything I've done ?"

"I'm ... Not sure what I consider you right now. I'm quite lost actually. But the fact is, I want to believe you. And for that I need to believe in myself and my mind is shouting that I shouldn't leave you on this island. So I'm asking you again, do you want to talk about it ?"

The ultimate lucky student sighed, whipped his tears and tried his best to smile.

"You're not giving up are you ? ... Fine. There are indeed a few problems and can't deal with it. And nobody can. So if I'm just a mess without a functioning brain, I should die."

"Are taking about the illnesses you mentioned in the library before ? You told me it was a lie."

"Yeah I did told you that. It wasn't a lie, but still. You know how my luck circles work right ? If I get too attached to something it ends up being destroyed in a pretty much messed up way."

"So you didn't wanted me to die then."

" Yeah, or maybe being amputated, loosing an eye, have your legs crushed or pretty much everything that super bad luck can bring. I just can't see that anymore. Still even if I don't know why care about you so much, I want to protect you because I'm pretty you deserve a happy life more than being with a worthless human like me."

"You might think you don't deserve it but don't you think that you need it ?"

"What ?"

"I really don't know what to think about you on a personal level, Nagito. But as a human being I'm pretty sure that you need someone to help you. Anybody needs friends Nagito, especially if you're in a bad state. And about your actions... Well that game was pretty messed up after all. Nobody would killed or did bad things really wanted to. And I somehow hope that it is the case for you too. I don't forgive you for your actions but still, it doesn't mean I don't care about you as a person."

"Do you know the usual symptoms for frontotemporal dementia ?"

"I- ... No I don't. I've never heard of your illness before."

"I'm not surprised, it's not that common actually. It's a degenerative illness that makes the part of the brain used for language and communication more and more difficult to use. The illness apparently started when I started to focus on hope ... I'm pretty sure that was the thing that made fell into it. Usually FD makes people act socially inappropriate and makes the subject loose empathy, judgment and inhibition. It also makes people forget about basic things like hygiene or to eat and sometimes we can change entirely our personality. But the fact is, what I told you right now are the symptoms of someone on their final stage, which I had before entering to Hope's peak. There is no cure for that illness and every subject that the professors studied died in less than a year after their diagnosis of the final stage. Do you know what it means ?"

" It means ... You have reached a part of the illness that should make people die instantly."

"Exactly. You literally have no idea how messed up my brain is right now. I do my best to stay myself but ... It's hard. It's hard to remember who I was, it's hard to know if I'm playing 'Nagito Komaeda' or if I do still have parts of him in my brain. I have no idea if I should be considered human right now. I'm just a messed up scumbag."

"You wanted to say you love me but instead you said that you love my hope."

"Well I ... I did wanted to say that but I... I wasn't lying either ! I really love your hope too ! It's shining brightly towards me, in a truly magnificent way even for a-"

"Do you love me ?"

Everything went silent for a minute. The sound of the waves was pretty calming even if they felt sickling before. The wind was bringing out the specific scent of the ocean towards the two boys. The white hair of the ultimate lucky student was slowly moving, floating into the air. He slowly closed his eyes, put his head onto his arms and reopened them a few seconds later.

"I ... I guess I do. I have no idea why, but I really like you. You were so kind to me even if you didn't know me. You tried your best to understand me even if I was just being a scumbag to you. You care about me even if I don't deserve it. You're closest thing to a friend I've ever had. I like being with you because with you I can be me without being judged with words. I feel comfortable with and this is probably why I really want to understand you more. I care about you. And that's mainly why I lied to you in the first place."

"Just understand what you said to me and tell me you're not human anymore."

"I- ... I ... Is it something I should do ? Is it what I'm supposed to do ?"

"I understand a lot better your actions right now. Not completely but better. You're doing things that your human part want to but you've seen too much horrible things and just want me to be safe. But right now, I must return the favor. I want you to be safe too. You're not okay right now but ... We can try to work on it together right ? I don't know if I will like you the way you like me but isn't it worth it to at least try ? Please don't die on this island. I know you can be useful to us all and we can be useful to you if you decided to share your problem with us and if we discuss how to deal with it. Please."

Again, Nagito started crying, but this time he was smiling. It was a little bit disturbing at first but it quickly felt heartwarming. Hajime had a little moment of suspicion but sat next to his comrade and got him a little pat on the back, telling him again that everything was going to be alright. It was a bit repetitive but felt deserved

"I truly am greatful to have someone as incredible as you near me, Hajime. You might not be the best at it I'm pretty sure that you're really good at creating bonds with others."

"So are you going to come with us ?"

" ... I will. I promise I will. But first, I need to see Mikan. And go to hospital."

"Is something wrong ?!"

"Well ... Yes and no. Don't worry, this time, I can deal with it. It doesn't involve my body being weak or anything this time. It's just that ... Fuyuhiko got rid of his right eye, didn't he ?"

Hajime almost forgot about this in particular. Fuyuhiko had Junko's eye into his eyeball when he woke up. But he kept his eyepatch and as soon as Mikan woke up he asked her remove it. It was perfectly functioning but ... Fuyuhiko just could bear the fact that it was her eye. He couldn't fell into despair again and felt like he had to get rid of everything that was her, even if she wasn't alive anymore. Maybe nagito felt the same ? It was probably much worse, Hajime knew how much the poor guy hated her.

"Yes he asked Mikan to remove it too. I guess you want to destroy that hand ?"

"I don't want to see anything about her ever again. And either way, I can't use this hand. It was poorly attached and I think what's left of my arm is starting to rot. Maybe I should get rid of the whole arm. Maybe I-"

"Stop, stop. You're acting weird again. Calm down, I'll say to everyone that you need to take a bit more time and I'll ask Mikan about it. She did something about fuyuhiko, I'm pretty sure she might be able to help you too. Do you think you can make it to the hospital ?"

"I guess. I'm not just dying, just feeling like I deserve to."

"G-great. I guess. Let's meet there then !"

Hajime took a last look at his comrade and rushed to the boat. It wasn't really far but he still felt like every minute mattered right now.

"You took your sweet fucking time right there. Where's the ultimate weirdo ?"

"I found him but he needs some help right now. Mikan, can you come with me ?"

"Y-yes ! Is something wrong with h-him ?"

"I'm not sure if it's an emergency or not but he needs you for something. After that I'm pretty sure he'll come with us."

Mikan nodded and followed Hajime. This time the young man wasn't running but still felt the need to hurry a bit. Nagito was, well, Nagito. In hospital he could be doing pretty much anything, especially with "his" hand. Hajime knew Nagito was talking about an amputation but he wasn't sure how Mikan might be useful. Maybe she could help him with the possibles infections ? He heard that blood transfusions without any special machine might result to necrosis so he guessed that a whole hand wouldn't be great either. No- no. He should think about that. It was a bit too much for him. He had to focus on the main point : getting rid of the remains of Junko. That would help Komaeda feel better and everyone will feel safer too.  
The hospital was in front of them when they heard a pretty loud scream. Their faces went white and they dashed into the building to find nagito in the first room, his left arm covered in blood and the window shattered, with glass pieces everywhere. Mikan screamed probably as high as she could.

"Hey, don't worry about that, I just slipped on some old package that was left on the floor and crashed onto the window. Nothing too bad. Just a little bit of bad luck."

"Nothing too bad ?! You're bleeding out !!"

"Yeah but I don't want this hand anymore either way. So a little less blood won't change anything right ?"

"Y-yes it will ! I-I understand that you want t-to get rid of it before it starts necrosing b-but please don't do anything bad ! I-I'll help you with it."

Mikan slowly started to gather bottles of disinfectant, blood pockets, some weird instruments and ...

"Can I get out of the room ? I'm not feeling too well right now..."

"O-of course Hajime ! I'm sorry ! I-I'll tell you when we are done, okay ?"

Hajime left the room and immediatly contacted fuyuhiko to tell him what happened. Thankfully their phones were still working pretty well and it felt good to have this way to communicate. A few minutes later he realised that leaving this might have been one of the best decisions of his entire life. He could hear his friend's screaming even three rooms away and quickly understood why he taped his mouth before his death. There wasn't any distinctive sound of what was happening but he didn't really want to know about it. After an hour Hajime tried to sleep, but even with ear plugs he still heard the young boy's loud voice, crying and begging for forgiveness. Hours and hours of pure pain and he couldn't leave the hospital, just in case. ( It was Nagito afterall. He did asked for her hand to be removed but still, he was too unpredictable to leave him like that with Mikan. He wasn't aggressive but he did have bad toughts that may disturb her a bit too much.)  
After two and a half hours, an exhausted young nurse knocked at Hajime's door.

"Oh Mikan ! Is everything going well ? I mean huuuh ..."

"I-I actually managed to finish it ! T-tho it was really challenging... I-I'm still the Ultimate nurse after all !"

"Oh yes. Is everything going to be alright ? I really hope he will be okay ..." 

"I actually found a prothesis on the back of the-"

"A prothesis ?! It means that he will have a replacement for his hand ??"

"I-I'm sorry ! I'm sorry ! Please forgive me !"

"No it's okay Mikan, it's absolutly wonderful ! I didn't tought it was possible for something like that to be on this island ! May I see him ?"

"He might need to stay in the hospital for a few more hours but y-yes, you can see him ..."

Slowly he got out of his room and opened the next door to see Nagito laying under the sheets, slowly opening its eyes. It felt similar to the way despait disease affected him, but this time he was sure that his life wasn't in danger anymore.

"Are ... you okay ?"

"Heh, I guess ... Mikan told me that if I waited longer the necrosis on the junction might have use my entire life force to heal and I could've died."

"How nice. Very positive"

"Well with lymphoma I pretty much have no immune system so I can die of pretty much anything. And not taking care of myself isn't something that helps with it."

"Understood, I'll had "helping Nagito taking basic care of himself" to the list of things to do for you"

"You're way too nice about it. Someone like me doesn't deserve to be treated that well."

Saying that, the young boy looked at his new prothesis. It was a massive black and white metallic robot arm, making a pretty strong noise to move. He slowly smiled and looked back at Hajime.

"It's not like my arm and it feels pretty weird but still ... It's really good. I will probably never complain about it."

After a few small talks, Hajime decided to leave him to the hospital and get back to boat to explain the situation to the others.  
Not with too much details, because he felt like he needed to be with him to talk about it more but still a pretty general explaination of why he wasn't with them right now and why he needed a bit of time to recover. It only took him a few hours to get to the boat with Mikan, finally safe and feeling much better, with a true smile on his face.

"Hey dude what take you so long ?"

"Sorry I ... I overslept a bit."

"I bet you were just dreaming about a bunch of pretty girls weren't ya ?" 

Nagito didn't listen. He just grabbed Fuyuhiko and Kazuichi onto his arms and hugged them. It wasn't a tight hug, just something to help him remember that he was there and that he wasn't hated by everyone. He liked them. He truly liked them. And even if he felt like he should not be with them, he wanted to. 

"Let's go Nagito !"

"Yes !"

And here a new hope was born.


End file.
